When God closes one door

Our trip to Ethiopia in Nov. has been canceled. Today during my time with the Lord I spent time writing in my prayer journal crying out to God asking him to show us exactly what he wanted us to do and to guide each and every one of our steps. An hour later I received an e-mail stating our trip had been canceled. I know this is an answer to my prayer. I am not mad God closed the door rather I am happy to know God has given us an answer. I just find myself having a hard time now sitting here wondering Ok God you closed one door but now which door is the open one? When will I ever learn to allow God to be in control and not think I must know my future?

Please continue to pray for us as something else is in the works right now and we just really wanna know if this is what God wants us. I pray he would continue to shut the doors until we can finally walk through the one he wants us to.

Chose to say blessed be your name?

This morning was wonderful. We had baby dedication and sweet little Julian was dedicated. I love baby dedication. Declaring to our church, family, and friends that we are wanting to raise our children up in the Lord. This baby dedication was different. I found myself even more thankful.

In the Audience sat a woman about the same age as me. She was crying. She was crying not because she was so happy but because she was not up there. She excused herself to the lobby where someone tried to comfort her. You see her story is very similiar to mine. Like me she had a sweet baby boy who decided he wanted to come early. This sweet angel spent time in the NICU just like Prince JC. Unlike Prince JC this sweet angel did not live.

When I found my seat again and saw she had come back into the service. It was the most amazing thinkg to me she was singing along to, You give and take away but my heart will chose to say Lord blessed be your name. She sang this with tear streaked cheeks and her hands raised high. I couldn't help it I tried my hardest to hold my tears in but they just came anyways.

Lord,
Why was I up there? Why is my sweet little guy here and not hers? Why do I get to say you give and she has to say you take away? I know we must both chose to say Lord, Blessed be your name! 


My dear sweet sister today my heart hurts for you. Today I hold my little guy a little tighter. Today I say blessed be your name Lord! Today I share in your sadness and say Thank you! Thank you for showing me no matter what we chose to say Blessed be your name!

Then why do we need God?

Why do we think it's our job to be in control?

Why do we think it's our job to convict people?

Why do we think it's our job to always know everyone's business?

Why do we think it's our job to judge?

Why do we think if we don't understand it then it can't possibly be real?

Why do you we think that what we believe to be true today won't change tomorrow as we grow?

Why do we believe that when we read God's word that we only 100% understand it?


So I guess what I am wondering is if we think all these things....
Then why do we need God?

The last thing I want to do

If I am honest, I am scared right now. Scared and excited.

In the past four years God has taken us from "christians" to having a deep desire to follow Jesus. From a broken and corrupt marriage to a beautiful picture of grace and forgiveness. To being selfish and consumed by the American dream to becoming parents and becoming passionate for the orphan.

In November we will be venturing to the beautiful country of Ethiopia for ten days to serve orphans, lepers, and the extremely poverty stricken people of Korah. When I started looking to adopt God put this wonderful country on my heart and since then it has become a love of mine and I feel so blessed to be able to have the chance to go and experience the life changing things God has planned for us there.

Ten days is not long. But it is long enough to touch a life and most importantly have our lives touched by God's wonderful love and plan for us. I am scared of that plan. A few months ago we were praying for two sweet girls in Ethiopia who I thought maybe God wanted us to bring home to be our daughters. It became a constant strain as wondered why God wasn't answering. I mean wouldn't he want those princesses to be ours? If he was here wouldn't he have taken them home to be his? So why weren't we receiving an answer? But then I realized I had. Be still.

I have written a few posts about this because it has been so heavy on my heart. How do you wait and be still for something that would change your life so dramatically? How do you be still when you need to plan and raise money? How do you focus on the rest of your life when something so big is constantly hanging over your head? It has been a constant struggle of mine.

Then two months ago I found out about a friend of mine who was taking her sweet little family to discipleship school to get training to minister better to people. A cord was struck in my heart. The Lord spoke to me. "Don't you remember all those years ago when you and King Los said you would go in ministry into another country? Why not now? What is stopping you? Didn't I sell your house and now you have no debt?".  Since then things have become a whirl wind. We have been praying and seeking God's will knowing again he is saying BE STILL. I know he will reveal his will but it is so hard for me to do that. I want to know. I want to plan. I want to pray and say my goodbyes. I want to pack and sell. But the last thing I want to do is be still.


Our prayer is that this trip would help us to see more clearly the plan God has for us. Would you pray with us? Would you pray God's will is revealed? Would you pray that we can raise the funds? Most important would you pray I can be still?

Pageant Parenting

Last night I watched Miss Universe with my sisters. It got me thinking about my post yesterday and how a lot of  us do this pageant style parenting. I don't necessarily mean dressing our little ones up in little tutus and tuxes or in fashion wear. I mean us wanting our kids to look and act a certain way.

Its easy for us parents to really get wrapped up in the perfect 10 child. The child who dresses and looks spotless, the child who is a genius, and the child who is athletic. We say we don't need perfection from our kids just their best. But sometimes I wonder if we want what is our best and sometimes the world's best.

If you have ever watched Toddlers in Tiaras you have seen the little girls begging their moms not to put another coat of mascara on or another layer of spray tan. "But sweetie it will make your look better to the judges." The mom will sweetly say to her daughter. Do we do that as parents? Maybe not force our children to get spray tanned to the point of looking disturbingly like an Umpa Lumpa but we tell them what to do to "act" perfect.

So where do these children who aren't perfect fit. The one who's reading just comes slower and they stutter when they speak. The children who can't sit still and listen for long and school is just a struggle. What about the children who have a severe mental illness and aren't like "other" kids.

What is the perfect child anyways? Has our comparing and worrying about  how the "Judges" will rate us made us turn our children into something they are not. Do we allow to them to have creativity or do we tell them "Sweetie purple socks really don't match your green sweater you have to change before church.".  Do we look at our children with love and see all the wonderful differences and the beautiful imperfections?

The Mommy competition

I hate The Mommy competition!
It's the why can't my kids sit as nice as her kids?
It's the why is her child potty trained already and my child runs for her life when I mention the word potty?
It's the of course my kid had to throw a temper tantrum in front of miss perfect and her perfect kids!

AND...
It's wow she really needs to discipline that child more!
It's the I would never let my child watch that, do that, ect.
It's the I am so glad my child doesn't complain all the time like her child.

It's harmful, it's depressing, it's prideful, and it's just plain wrong.


I believe as moms we are our own worst enemies. We are constantly comparing our progress of our little ones to other little ones. We think our parenting is good enough when our child makes a mistake in front of another child who seems to just have everything down pat. We think we are great parents when our kids remember to wear their halos and our friends kids are running around like little tornadoes. This is not fair and leaves no room for grace or difference of personality. It also leaves no room for bad days and tired kiddoes!

I wish I could say this is something I have never done. But unfortunately I have sat on both sides of this spectrum a time or two and I am starting to realize how much it is really affecting my parenting.
 It's time to let God set the standard, not other Moms!